that girl there ([info]uptosummat) wrote,
@ 2007-04-23 23:29:00
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yet another drabble
Title: Melting
Word Count: 136

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I was going to do it. I stood on the edge of that roof, ten stories up. My eyes were focused on the sidewalk, on the concrete. It filled my vision and I saw nothing else, despite the fact that I was nearly a hundred feet above it.

I started to imagine falling towards it, feeling my body hit, melting into the gray.

Lifted a foot and dangled it over the edge.

I could have done it, you know.

I would have done it, if you hadn’t grabbed me, pulled me back.

Did you save me because you felt sorry for me?

Did you save me because you love me?

Or were you just trying to be a hero?

I still don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you.

But I haven’t been to that rooftop since.

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[info]dove_cry
2007-04-24 03:33 am UTC (link)
Hmm I liked it. As you already know, I'm a fan of the preventing suicide type stories.

I think the listing effect makes it grab the reader's attention.

I like your expression in lines like "melting into the gray."

Well done.

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[info]uptosummat
2007-04-24 03:39 am UTC (link)
thank you

I tend to write in list form a lot...I just like it better.

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[info]dove_cry
2007-04-24 03:42 am UTC (link)
I do that a lot too actually. I think it draws more attention to each line, like I'm trying to make them each as important as the others. And also just a habit. lol

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[info]uptosummat
2007-04-24 03:44 am UTC (link)
lol yeah

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(Anonymous)
2007-04-26 03:35 pm UTC (link)
the sujbect is kind of typical but you did a good job writign it

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